My Festival: Fiona Allen

Because my debut show On The Run is a good fun hour following my warm, engaging and I think funny recent journey to the stand-up stage. You will hear my thoughts on family, marriage, sex robots (for God's sake) and passive-aggressive school mums (they were sooooo lovely to chat to ... no honestly they were so nice). Oh, and not forgetting my thoughts on supermarket dress codes.

What will we learn from your show that we didn’t know before?

That, unlike the majority of my acting roles I won’t be kidnapping you at knifepoint. And also this very important fact: sex robots can be hacked and operated remotely to the great surprise of their owners. (OK, I made that bit up.)

Who or what was the biggest inspiration for your show?

The need to get out of the house for an evening to escape the madness of my gorgeous cockapoo and the never-ending responsibility of organising the lives of a husband (who can't even be bothered to pick up his own socks) and three kids, all of whom are old enough and perfectly capable of looking after themselves but resolutely refuse to do so.

What’s the best review you’ve ever had, and the worst?

The best review in my life because it was so accurate, if a little harsh, was in one of my school reports: If Fiona engaged her brain as often as her mouth she would be a genius.

The worst came from someone who's part of a group I talk about in my show. They're called Passive-Aggressive School Mums and they hunt in packs in the school playground at drop-off and pick-up times.

One of them walked up to me on the first day. I'd never met her before. She said: “I hear you're an actress and you've done a few things on telly?” I replied yes and an immediate interjection of “Yeah, well I don't watch TV!” came back at me. I thought: yup, this is going to fun!

Who or what are you most excited about seeing this year?

The Edinburgh Tattoo because I do like to see a man in a kilt. Plus I'd be very excited to see lots of people in the audience at my show!

Who do you most like spending time with in Edinburgh?

I'd like to say my family but I am actually On The Run! I'd like to see my dog up here but he doesn't have the requisite manners to be in public places whatsoever. I've never performed at the Fringe before so I'm unsure … I know loads of lovely people up here so I’m sure I'll be seeing them. Also there are lots of good things to see in Edinburgh so I'll be walking around taking everything in.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people.

I am a competitive underwater knitter and I am also really good at backgammon (though I am an appalling loser).

What are the best and worst things that have happened to you at a festival?

Best thing that happened to me at a festival was performing and then sitting in the sunshine watching a band. So chilled. Worst thing … getting lost and wandering around panicking.

What’s the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

First thing I do in the morning is have a coffee. And then another one. Last thing I do at night is start thinking about stuff I should have thought about around five hours earlier.

Thanks for the interview! We’d like to buy you a drink. Where are we going and what are we drinking?

Very kind of you to offer. I was hoping we'd be going to Madrid after the Fringe is finished. But if you tell me where they serve the best Rioja in Edinburgh then I'll meet you there.

Fiona Allen: On The Run, Pleasance Courtyard, 4.15pm, until 20 August.