Helen Weston on retirement

I understand your disappointment about your husband's inertia when you had worked out great plans for your time together, but retirement is a big transition in anybody's life and can often cause a reaction we might not expect.

The whole issue of retirement has become something of a battleground in the current financial crisis, with some people leaving the workplace on vast pensions while others are being forced into early retirement and debt.

Many people in their middle or late 50s are also struggling with the announcement that they will have to work until they are 66 or 68 before they can draw their state pension.

Of course, there are some who can't wait to retire, but an awful lot of people see it as the end of their useful life, and associate it with death and diminishment. This is even more true for people who are made to retire before their expected time.

For those who get their sense of status and meaning from their position at work, it may feel as if life has lost its purpose and that the way ahead is dark.

This is a significant existential crisis, and one that it can be virtually impossible to pull out of alone. A vital first step can be to get involved in outside activities that give a new role and a reason for getting up in the morning.

Many people need some 'down time' after a big life change, so they can reconstruct their sense of self now their work identity has been lost.

This process can be best understood as a kind of mourning, and can be helped by supporting the person when they need to get out and meet people, and by being there when they need to talk.

Although your letter is about your husband, you are going through a profound life change too. You don't mention a job of your own, so perhaps you have been based at home.

Whatever the pattern an individual's life has established, it will be disrupted when their partner retires, and they too will be have to adjust to the loss of their independence and the disruption of their own space, however welcome that may seem initially.

Even young people can be affected by the issues surrounding retirement, as they begin to realise they will have to foot the bill for their elders while fearing they will not be able to afford a decent pension for themselves.It is vital that people in this type of situation take time to look after themselves too, and preserve some activities that are just for them, or they may also end up feeling down.

If you become really worried about somebody close to you who has retired, talk to them about seeing their GP. They may need some individual counselling or temporary medication to lift their mood.

On a lighter note, there are retirement courses or self-help groups for the newly retired. Life coaching is also a possibility, if they aren't interested in anything associated with therapy.

Try the WEA (Workers' Educational Association) Scotland, as it puts on some really accessible courses on adjusting to the issues associated with retirement.

Whether retirement is something you look forward to or dread, confronting some of the issues you might encounter ahead of time can help you establish coping mechanisms if everything does not go to plan.

Helen Weston is head of professional practice with Relationships Scotland (www.relationships-scotland.org.uk)

This article was first published in Scotland On Sunday, 20 February, 2011