As the festive season draws near, plans will be starting to take shape for families to come together, exchange gifts and create memories through cherished traditions. It can also be an emotional time for many, including separated parents who will have to navigate childcare arrangements on a number of special days.

There is no standard approach when it comes to seasonal celebrations in split households, but the interests of the children involved should always be the priority. Although both parents may wish to be present for certain events, such as opening stockings on Christmas morning, it is crucial that they set aside their own desires.

Determining the most suitable approach often depends on the nature of the parents’ relationship. While it is uncommon, though not unheard of, for separated couples to spend Christmas under the same roof, if they are able to be as amicable as possible, this can help to provide a sense of normality for the children.

The festive arrangements of separated families can be as varied as the families themselves. Although there is no ‘norm’ as such, a fairly typical approach is for the children to be with one parent overnight on Christmas Eve, with a handover taking place on Christmas Day. This works well when there is a considerable level of civility between parents.

Family gatherings will take on a different complexion when parents split, but this offers a chance to create new Christmas memories and traditions (Picture: stock.adobe.com)

Where the atmosphere is tense and acrimonious, children will often pick up on these emotions, and this can significantly impact their enjoyment of the day. In such cases, it may be better for the children to avoid moving between parents on Christmas Day itself.

Instead, one parent could spend Christmas Eve with the children, and the other could celebrate with them on Christmas Day – alternating annually. Finding a balance is crucial to ensuring that the children can spend time with both sides of the family, without moving around too frequently.

An approach that works well for toddlers and young children may no longer be suitable as they enter their teenage years, by which time they will inevitably have their own views to express.

For those unable to reach an agreement on festive arrangements, there are a number of steps to consider before contemplating court intervention. Family mediation can be beneficial, providing a platform for constructive discussions. Additionally, seeking advice from a family lawyer can help to resolve the dispute in an efficient and child-focused way.

Philippa Cunniff is Head of Family Law at Gilson Gray

Resorting to the court system should be considered a last-ditch effort if all other avenues prove unsuccessful. Unless there is a matter that needs to be dealt with urgently, it can take six to eight weeks from the date of the application to have a first hearing listed. If court intervention looks like it is going to be required, this should be organised in the summer months to allow for a more reasoned debate around festive arrangements.

At the heart of any successful co-parenting arrangement is compromise and communication. The festive season takes on a new dynamic post-separation, but it can still be a special time for the children. Rather than focusing on what Christmas used to be like, consider this an opportunity to create new memories and traditions together – even if they are not celebrated in exactly the same way.

Philippa Cunniff is head of family law, Gilson Gray

Split households should make children's interests the priority at Christmas - Philippa Cunniff