Why celibacy is not just for monks, couples can not do it too – Jim Duffy

By Jim Duffy
Published 8th Mar 2019, 05:00 BST
We may all benefit from a period of monk-like abstinence from sex, says Jim Duffy (Picture: Stephen Mansfield)We may all benefit from a period of monk-like abstinence from sex, says Jim Duffy (Picture: Stephen Mansfield)
We may all benefit from a period of monk-like abstinence from sex, says Jim Duffy (Picture: Stephen Mansfield)
A celibate friendship in a relationship is just as important as what goes on between the sheets, writes Jim Duffy.

Sex. Sex. Sex. It is everywhere. Do you recall going on holiday to the likes of Blackpool, Southport, Poole, Skegness or Morecambe and seeing the newsagent stands with the “sexy” postcards. Usually some pathetic looking older man eyeing up a scantily clad, always blonde female. There would be a “saucy” caption that was designed to make us titter. Add to this globally renowned Page Three spreads.

Opening up a redtop when I was younger was a tricky affair. As soon I turned over the front page, there would be a semi-naked model staring out from the page opposite. Not a great idea if you mum or dad was sitting at the table adjacent to you! And now even more sex is everywhere. Or more specifically the pressure of sex.

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Only this week, Kylie Jenner, one of the Kardashian sisters, has been crowned a billionaire. Her endorsements of beauty products etc have made her mega-rich at the ripe old age of 21. The whole Kardashian family is loaded to be fair. But, the point to note is that they have built much of this on not wearing a great deal.

Kim Kardashian, the older sister, indeed attempted to “break the internet” with a naked photo of her bum. Add to this the multitude of porn channels, web cams for sex and so on and we are bombarded and pressured into the “sex age”.

But, what happens if one opts out of all this sex malarkey? What does it mean if one turns one’s back on nookie and the whole marketing of sex? That’s right, no nuptials or oats ... how do you fancy becoming celibate?

As a much younger male, there was indeed a raging orchestra of hormones playing a Wagner symphony throughout my body. But, as I get older, the orchestra is more like a four-piece in a Leith pub on a Friday night and, on some days, a duet.

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Sex is important to me at different stages of my journey, like many of you, but should it be the be all and end all? I still see the selling and marketing of sex everywhere – on billboards, pop-ups on my laptops and in magazines.

And when there are couples’ nights out sex, always comes up at some point, albeit awkwardly or in jest. It kind of makes me tone deaf to the idea of celibacy. But, there may come a day through choice or otherwise that celibacy becomes the only option. I just wonder if I would ever choose it by my own volition before that day arrives.

Let’s be clear, celibacy can be a choice, but it doesn’t need to be an absolute decision that can never be reversed. Some people choose to be celibate for six months, for example, then get back in the saddle.

While others may opt for a more long-term approach, tied into religion or philosophy or values. But, making a proactive, informed decision to become celibate either when single or in a relationship takes effort, I would suggest.