Talk of the Town

A stroke of luck, or discerning thieves?WHILE there's always plenty of concern about crime in the Capital, there are reasons to believe the city is a lot safer than people think.

One sheepish resident recently related the quite incredible story of her car, which had to be abandoned in a side-street off Easter Road to await the attention of mechanics after the engine started making an odd noise.

Having left the stereo, CDs, books, some change and, most importantly, all the cars' documents inside, the owner was horrified when she returned to check on it a week later only to discover she had left the doors unlocked.

That discovery was quickly overshadowed when she noticed that she had even more reason to be amazed that her car was still there – as the keys, attached to a bright yellow keyring, had been left in the ignition.

Reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated

CAPITAL sports officials currently covering tracks after the premature announcement this week of the death of a local luminary – it turned out to be his father – can take reassurance that such mix-ups do happen from time to time. In this instance the supposed deceased was actually a close relative of the sadly departed and bore the same name. Back in the mid-1980s the Scottish Rugby Union committee were in the process of holding a minute's silence for an ex-president when he promptly walked through the door. Move on a few years and this individual's bona fide passing was met with disdain in some sections of the media where one scribe declined to pen an obituary, saying: "He's died before!"

Bog standard for Alex

AN MSP found a problem with one of the toilets in the parliament the other day and asked an official whom she should report it to. "The FM," came the reply. The official meant Facilities Management, but to the MSP the letters FM could mean only one thing: First Minister Alex Salmond. "I know he finds it difficult to delegate," she said. "But I didn't realise he took personal responsibility for the loos."

Oil be looking for an excuse

AS SIR Chris Hoy's bank manager will know, sponsors are always willing to cash in on Olympic success. What do you do when the GB team returns with a disappointing medal haul, though? Top marks to the PR firm behind the marketing of WD-40, whose latest press release is a masterclass in turning failure to your advantage.

"The Great British Winter Olympic team is missing out on medals because it is overlooking a simple performance enhancing, home grown ingredient," it says. All that is needed is a squirt of their product on the bobsleigh and we can watch the medals roll in.

Rumours that Edinburgh's Gillian Cooke was spotted loading up a van outside B&Q could not be confirmed.